SCHEDULUS INTERRUPTUS

Greeting everyone! I thought I would take a moment to reflect on how I am doing so far with my blog. I started with the intent of doing three blog entries per week, but found out that it was a schedule I cannot maintain. I honestly thought I would be able to keep the pace, but alas I fear I was a bit too hasty in assigning myself to such a rigorous schedule. I know that I need to change the frequency of how often these come out.

Okay, so first and foremost and before I get to the nitty gritty I want to point out that I am back on camera on vlogging again. Please check out my YouTube channel and watch my latest vlog when you get the time! I'm happy to be in front and behind the camera again! I find the process of creating the vlogs to very cathartic and it gives me something to look forward to every week. I am hoping to grow my YouTube channel, it would be an absolute dream come true to become a travel vlogger ... I know it is going to take a lot of work and with the potential to become partnered with some companies and make videos for them, it will helps to make the revenue necessary to pursue that dream.

Anyway, back to the blog itself. Like I said, I find myself unable to maintain a schedule of three blog entries per week due to extenuating circumstances. I think it is going to be best to throttle back to doing one blog per week, and if there is more that I want to talk about I can always do additional blog entries. I hope all of you are understanding. Anyways, all the best and I'll see you all gain in a few days! 

THE BLESSING & CURSE OF BEING A SINGLE HOPEFUL ROMANTIC

 I've been through a lot in my life; more misery, pain and suffering than any one person has a right to go through, not that my brand of it is the worst any one person can go through though. I've been the target of bullying and harassment. I've struggled coming to terms with my truth. I've been through the darkness and I've been in the light. But most importantly I know in my heart what love is, truly. I can't say I've experienced true love from another but I can say that I have it for myself...and there are the highs and lows that go with it.

Coming to terms with being transgender has made it possible to be able to love myself, all the suffering I've been through in my life has culminated to allowing myself to come out the other end stronger, tougher and being able to express my boundaries. When you've been through trauma, especially physical abuse, it can be extremely hard to know how to see yourself in any positive way and even harder to express what you can't or won't tolerate. I've seen this firsthand. Not that I've ever experience that worst physical abuse, but I've had a minor helping of it in my life.

It takes years of building trust within yourself for your own person, understanding the tenderness of your own heart to realize who you are. Not everyone is blessed to find that tenderness. I count myself as one the lucky ones that knows the tenderness in my heart. That tenderness leaves me open to crushing lows and exalted highs. And those feelings can be a one way street some days and other days it can be the opposite. Most of my days have balance to them...but the days where I am emotionally strung out or circumstances beyond my control affect me adversely are typically not good ones.

Anything experienced throughout my day, from listening to music and watching movies to talking with other people in video/voice chat or communicating with others on social media and/or internet forums, can bring out that tenderness I have for myself. The curse of being a hopeful romantic, a single hopeful romantic, is that I have walked this planet without ever knowing romantic love...and there are days where that really hurts, painfully hurts. It is what I pine for, what I need in my life and to wake up everyday to a world that seems to be getting more schizophrenic and reclusive with more people retreating from others and trust is becoming a rare commodity makes it harder to potentially find someone special.

The other side of the spectrum of being a hopeful romantic is that a lot of days I can be perfectly content with who I am and where I am in my life. Do I want more for myself? Abso-freaking-lutely...which is why I am making way more of an effort to be seen online. It takes time and patience to build something that other people can take an interest in. I already have a small community of people that support me, and I am grateful for that...the fact that my life has touched other lives is what helps get out of bed and strive to create more content so that I can reach even more people. I don't need the love of another person to complete me, but I certainly want it. The curse is the loneliness, but the blessing is knowing I am not alone...and I have the wisdom to know the difference between the two. 

TTRPG TALK: MIXING POTIONS

So, on Saturday I got to thinking about what could happen if a someone wanted to mix potions and this is what I came up with. This can apply to any TTRPG that has potions in them, not just Dungeons & Dragons or Pathfinder 1E (the latter of which this article is written for); you might want to adjudicate the effects of some of these. Of course, the esoteric effects here are just a baseline and the table can be expanded to d100 or d1000...both of which would take considerable time to expand upon. 

Mixing potions is incredibly tricky, most of the time both potions are wasted. Only two potions can be mixed, trying to mix more than two always results in an acrid cloud wasting all potions mixed together.

There is a twenty percent chance of the mixture result in normalcy, meaning both potions can be mixed and the full advantages of both potions can be applied to consumed. Very rarely will there be esoteric effects the can manifest in weird ways. When mixing two potions, roll 1d100 and consult the following table;

D100 ROLL    AFFECT
01-10               The potions mix, but the desired effect is not what is expected. 

                        Roll on the next table to determine the esoteric effect.

11-20               The potions mix perfectly and can be consumed to gain the full 

                        benefits of both.

41-80               The potions are ruined and nothing beneficial remains.
81-90               The potions mix perfectly and can be consumed to gain the full 

                        benefits of both.
91-100             The potions mix, but the desired effect is not what is expected. 

                        Roll on the next table to determine the esoteric effect.

ESOTERIC EFFECTS
All effects last for 4D4+2 rounds unless otherwise noted.

D20 RESULT      

01. EXPLOSIVE ERUPTION! The creature mixing the two potions takes 5D4+20 points of force damage and is covered in volcanic ash. Further, all creatures in a twenty foot radius take 2D6+8 points of force damage.

02. PRISMATIC SWITCH! A prismatic gas emanates from the mixed potions and hovers over the space the mixer is in and then reaches out towards the creature nearest them and then the two creatures switch bodies. This effect is permanent.

03. SHRINKING GAS! The gas shrinks the mixer by two size categories. 

04. BABEL TONGUE! Once consumed, the mixed potions make everything the drinker says come out backwards...to the effect of of every word in every sentence being reversed.

05. BLOBULOUS BODY! Upon consumption the drinkers' creature type changes to ooze; they retain their Intelligence and ability to see but they do not gain ooze immunities. This allows the consumer to slip beneath closed doors or through tiny cracks. 

06. BUG EYES! Upon consumption the eyes of the drinker become cartoonishly large, granting them a +10 bonus on sight based Perception checks.

07. GOLDEN SHOWER! In a radius centered on the mixer, equal in feet to the level of the mixer x10, is filled with golden gas which immediately coalesces into gold coins and rains down; any creatures caught in the area take 1D4 points of damage per round of exposure. After the shower is over the coins magically disappear.

08. GRAVITIC REPULSION! Upon consumption the drinker floats one inch above the surface of the floor/ground allowing them to move, but avoid most traps (especially any that are tripwire or weight dependant). 

09. TOADIFICATION! Upon consumption, the drinker is polymorphed into a giant toad.

10. TRANSFORMATION! The potions are mixed perfectly but also change the ancestry/race/species of the drinker, as if subject to the effect of reincarnation. This effect is permanent. 

11. ENHANCEMENT! The potions are mixed perfectly but also grant a temporary +4 bonus to one ability score (roll 1D6 to determine which one is affected).

12. BEASTIFICATION! Upon consumption the drinker grows thick fur all over their body granting them a +2 bonus to their AC, Darkvision 60 feet, low-light vision and they can make lethal unarmed attacks; after the duration the fur molts off.

13. LUCKY NUMBER! The consumer gains a +7 luck bonus to all task resolution checks.

14. POOF! The consumer can teleport to any place/spot within line of sight.

15. EYE SEE YOU! The consumer cannot be flanked.

16. CALCIFIED CARAPACE! The consumers' skin hardens and mottles, granting them a +3 bonus to their natural AC.

17. CUNNING BRILLIANCE! The consumer gains the benefit of fox's cunning, as if cast upon them by a 20th level wizard.

 

18. ENLARGING GAS! The gas makes the character grow by one size category. 

19. TWINNING SMOKE! A puff of blue or pink smoke fills the area of the creature mixing the two potions, one minute later a male (blue smoke) or female twin (pink smoke) of the character coalesces from the smoke. The twin effectively is treated as a clone and only one such clone of this type can exist at any time; the exception to this is if the original character dies. The clone remains indefinitely.

20. WONDERBLOOM! All creatures in a 30' radius, including the creature mixing the two potions, is healed of 5D4+20 hit points. In addition all creatures are affected as if they inhaled Inspiration Dust, but with no chance of becoming addicted.

TOUR OF MY HIGH SCHOOL SKETCHBOOK: PART 1

Okay, so as I have mentioned in my prospectus I [used to be] an artist. It's been ages since I've picked up a pencil or any other held medium to do anything artsy, and it's likely going to be a lot longer now than I thought it was going to me...and there's a good reason for that, but I'll get into that in a future blog entry. Anyway, back in High School my art teacher had us students keep a sketchbook and would expect a quota by a certain date, it was easy to do one a day but sometimes I did batches just in case I got inundated with homework or studying, I could devote myself to doing that instead of working on art. I do really miss sketching, as it was quite cathartic. Thing is, sketching is one the easiest means of pursuing art...so while I wait to get back to doing art in other forms at least in the mean time I can sketch on a regular basis.

Anyway, while I am struggling to start getting back to sketching I thought I would share some of the sketches from my old HS sketchbook. I have no idea how many parts there are going to be to this series, but I'll do my best not to flood the blog with entries from this series...I'll try to only do one every couple of weeks.

Ornate Dagger

Blowgun & Dart

A couple of dice (D6)

Dagger stuck in wall

Amulet & Vase

Held baseball

As you can see, I took inspiration from weapons and everyday objects. This was a period of my life where I was smitten with TTRPGs, especially Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 2nd Edition. As a matter of fact, if you are familiar with the game, the artwork here should be nostalgic. Some of the inspiration I got for my sketches came out of various AD&D gaming books. That's it for this look into my sketchbook, stay tuned for the next one!

TTRPG TALK: The Martial Rogue

I've always been a fan of fighters and rogues and can play either quite well. When the Unearthed Arcana book came out for D&D 3E, WotC gave us variants on the core classes, my favorite being the martial rogue. I'm not the biggest fan of D&D 5E, so I am a little bit excited to see what the next edition is going to bring...I do know it is going to be a soft reboot of the 5E rules, but heaven willing there will be enough changes to the classes to make them as appealing as 3E & Pathfinder 1E made them. Anyways, today I am here to present to you the option of the Martial Rogue for D&D 5E. This isn't content I came up with myself, I have to credit Herosmith14 from EnWorld for giving this a write-up. If I ever find myself in a 5E game again, I very well might ask the DM to allow me to play this homebrew variant presented below.

Rogue: Warrior​

It is not uncommon for rogues to appear in the military. Many are scouts, spies, saboteurs, and assassins, but not many have a large place on the battlefield. You do. You have honed your craft to a point where you can take place in the front line, next to the knights and cavaliers.

Martial Finesse
At 3rd level, you have trained with certain weapons to the point of mastery. Choose one melee weapon that does not have the heavy or two handed property. You gain proficiency with that weapon, and it counts as a finesse weapon for you. You get to choose another weapon at 9th, 13th, and 17th level.

If the weapon has the versatile property, it only counts as a finesse weapon if wielded in one hand.

Fighting Style
At 3rd level, you have learned the arts of other warriors. Choose one of the following fighting styles.

Archery
You gain a +2 bonus to attack rolls you make with ranged weapons.

Dueling
When you are wielding a melee weapon in one hand and no other weapons, you gain a +2 bonus to damage rolls with that weapon.

Two-Weapon Fighting
When you engage in two-weapon fighting, you can add your ability modifier to the damage of the second attack.

Armored Shadow
By 9th level, you have become accustomed to armor heavier than most other rogues are used to. You gain proficiency in medium armor. Additionally, the Dexterity cap on medium armor increases by 1 for you, and medium armor does not impose disadvantage on stealth.

Precise Strike
At 13th level, you have learned how to find and exploit weak points in your foe. While you are wielding a finesse or ranged weapon, you roll a critical hit on a 19 or 20.

Combat Master
By 17th level, you no longer need help to distract your enemy. You do not require an ally within 5ft of your target in order to use sneak attack.

ONE D&D (or D&D 6E)

The World Reveal Trailer for the next version of D&D dropped yesterday! It's pretty exciting that we are coming up quickly on the gold anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons. I have to say, as someone that is not impressed with 5E, that the energy put into the video has me just a little bit excited for what is forthcoming out of the next version of the world's most popular role-playing game. I am not going to go over here what I dislike about 5E, that will be a subject for a future blog post.

Anyway, I do like the direction that WotC is going with gaming...making an effort to make it more inclusive and dropping time worn concepts that the game no longer needs, such as some races being inherent evil. There is far more acceptance for gaming now and due to the exposure it has gotten in entertainment it is becoming more known than it ever has in the past. This is great for the future of RPGs overall as it encourages more people to be creative and pursue endeavors of the mind that will also engage them socially.

I think of my three nephews and how much they are into sports, all three of them are encouraged by my sister and her husband to be involved physically. They love football, and I can imagine them taking the strategies they learn participating on the field will help them to be great role-players, regardless of whether it is D&D or another rpg they may take interest in.

I am excited for the future of gaming and am finding my heart becoming warm again towards gaming. I've struggled so much with being a gamer and having finally accepted myself as one I imagine I am going to be one for the rest of my life; there may times where it will become something that I need to put aside for important matters, but I know in my heart and soul that the joy I have for creating, DMing and playing will always be burning.

If you are interested in playtesting One D&D, you can find the documents for doing so here. If you're not signed up for D&D beyond, you'll have to before you can download the material.

COMING CLEAN/OUT

It's been five years since I have come out as transgender.

It's been longer than that since I knew that I wasn't cis. When my dad died over fourteen years ago something inside me changed...something dark and powerful spoke to me in my dreams. I was broken for so very long before that. Growing up all I wanted out of life was to met someone special that I spend the rest of my life with, someone to give my love to that would fully reciprocate the way I felt about them. I wanted a family. My own immediate family has dealt with its hardships and struggles and my extended family only made matters worse. I dealt with bullying in elementary, middle and high school. All the crap that I had been through made me bottle up so much darkness, self-hatred and self-loathing. At some point before my dad died I was completely turned off by PDAs (public displays of affection) and seeing tenderness in the entertainment I consumed and I had to turn away from it because I just couldn't deal with it. All the anger I had, and still somewhat struggle with, over people that abuse/abused me had blown over into my subconscious with the passing of my father. 

It took seven years in battling myself, the demon within, to come to terms with something unrealized. In my dreams I had seen blood, carnage, despair, destruction and the wake of evil wrought into the worlds I created subconsciously. I saw the demon causing all the evil in my dreams...at first it was something of a cross between a naga and a marilith. The creature started to morph into something more human like in appearance but retained demonic features in its physical qualities. At some point in the process of these dreams, like a saga unfolding, I had cast myself as a hero that needed to put an end to the evils of the beast. When it came to the final battle, the creature had become more physically like a demon with no remaining serpent qualities. I stood there on the battlefield, clad in armor and with sword and shield in hand. The demon came into clearer view and I could see it with more clarity, and noticed her. HER! This was an unexpected twist, for I wasn't ready in any capacity to harm a woman, regardless of whether or not she was human or something else. In a fit of confusion, I took my life in hands by dropping my sword and shield and unfastening my armor. The demon watched me and took no action against me as I did this. I then walked up to her and threw arms around her in a moment of affection...I gave her a hug. It was in that moment that my subconscious told me that the demon was an extension of myself, a homunculus created from my emotions made manifest in my dreams. It took years of giving her my love that she continued to transform and she showed me the beauty within...and eventually she made me realized who I am. That she is me and that I am her. 

In the love I gave my demon, she became my angel...and in loving her I was able to undo all the self-hatred and self-loathing that I had inside me. In accepting myself as a woman I was able to find a sense of peace and became able to finally love myself. 

And it's been so long since then; many, many years.

Although I have not [yet] received therapy to help me pursue medically transitioning, I have made a lot of growth mentally. I have way good days than bad, as a matter of fact I can't remember the last time I had a bad day...I think the last one was back in May. I know I deal with some depression over the body I have, but it only is at its worst two or three days out of 365. I do have bouts and fits of crying due to my body dysmorphia, but even that I have more control over now...it seems to only rear its head when I am emotionally drawn out or [emotionally] abused in some way. There are specific triggering times of the year where the the dysphoria really hits...my actual birth month (which I will not disclose online, only a handful of friends that I trust know it) and around the holidays; my family is so fractured that the pain of that destroys me...I want nothing more than to be around people that I love that love me, and to feel that love from those people by being in the same room with them. A lot of my friends, the people that I want time with physically...I can't due to my vastly limited income. 

I am grateful to those of you that have stuck by my side, that have been there for me and that have made an effort to do more than just engage with me on more than just a surface level...you can't possibly know how much my heart needs that. My living situation isn't ideal, as many of you know I live with my mom. I will not go into why it isn't ideal but many of you may have a clue due to the things I have said and shared in the past. 

Know that I am in a much better place now than I was five years ago. I have entertained some dark thoughts and struggled with suicidal ideation; I am grateful to have been born with a fierce willpower to be alive, to be grateful for every day I am give no matter how dark any of those days might be. I remember my worst moment very clearly, it was right after I heard the news of the death of Leelah Alcorn. I wanted to join her so badly, because I feared for the future...and I was right. Donald Trump becoming the president of the United States is one of the worst things that has happened to the LGBT community; he systematically rolled back protections on human rights and made the lives of many people so much worse. 

I fear for the near-future of my brothers and sisters in the LGBT community, but I know in my heart that what we are dealing with is a stepping stone to the universal rights for the freedoms that we deserve in the USA and the world over.